There are only two offenders on this list for this year. But by God have they offended me.
Barry M Nail Paint in "Mint Green"
During the past two summers, Mint Green as a colour (not the polish) has been insanely popular, with every cosmetics company and it's dog rushing to produce a shade that would be as influential as Chanel's...whatever it was called. The overpriced green one with the sparkles they did. Anyway, one would have expected that Barry M's would be better than most, seeing as it was a brand well known for it's decent nail polish quality and it cost slightly more than the other offerings one could find in say, Superdrugs or Boots.
Pah. This streaky, nasty geseki* is just awful to work with. It needs a minimum of three coats to look anywhere near passable and each coat takes an insane amount of time to dry. It bubbles like a dodgy looking volcanic lake filled with noxious gases and once you've gone through the nightmare of that application, you go to bed and in the morning you find that the nail polish is all over your blanket because apparantly sixteen hours isn't a long enough drying time. I want my £3 back.
Consider if: You like the bottle shape? That's it, really. Even MUA have a mint green out now. I haven't tried that one, but if it's rubbish at least you've only wasted £1 and not £3.
Miss Sporty Clubbing Colours in "Yellow"
This polish is so much do not want. Right after I took this photo, I tossed it into the bin from the other side of the room, like a boss. I'm pretty sure there are a couple of laws of physics that this nail polish breaks? Perhaps I should take it to my science teacher and ask him. Ha, that'd go well.
"Lena. You're asking me about...what is this?"
"It's nail polish, sir."
"So what do you do with it?"
"You put it on your nails, sir. It makes them different colours..."
"Ah, so that's why your nails are always a weird colour compared to everyone else's."
Or maybe I should mail it to the New Scientist. The bottle claims that it dries in a minute. In exactly what nation does one minute = never? Seriously, do tell, I want to visit that country. For real. You paint this polish on (and here's the law defying bit) and as you're applying it, it's drying. The moment the brush (did I mention that the brush is horrible? Well the brush is horrible) leaves the bottle it's a race against time to keep it from drying completely in the 0.3 seconds it takes to apply it onto your fingers. Naturally this leaves the polish wonderfully streaky, uneven and disgusting on your nails. Now, you think to yourself, if it dries straight from the bottle, I shouldn't have to wait long for it to dry on my hands!
Lies. Dirty rotten lies. You can sit completely still for like twenty minutes and not have this polish dry. For some reason, once on the nail it draws on moisture from like the air or something to remain wet. Urgh.
And it sucks at stamping too. And marbling. Just to add insult to injury. Oh, and if you get a ball of this polish anywhere near the bottom of the plastic cup that you are using to marble, it will eat through the bottom in record time and then spill warm water all over your bathroom floor, which is something I'm sure you all want.
Consider if: you have a burning urge to burn your money, piss on the ashes and then douse them in petrol and then dump them into the sea.
EDIT: I forgot to put the meaning of "geseki" which you may have noticed I'd starred and italicised. It's Korean for "son of a bitch". Sums up that polish pretty well in my opinion.